11

Let me Paint a Picture Today...

Posted by Pawas Jain on 05:41
Let me paint a picture for you,
Paint it real and paint it true.
Sketch it out from flesh and blood
Draw on the canvas- red soaked mud.
The tale of follies of the mankind
Of Good and Evil- all rewind.
Of War, politics and state affair,
Of men and women in despair.
Let me color it red, black and white
Color the gloom, terror and frightful sights.
O Look how the ink fades,
For it fears its own shades.
I paint a lady who desired throne for her womb
For which a warrior cast his own doom.
I color him black- the blind man born
His shades the kingdom mourned.
I color him pale- the desired king
Cursed to be deprived of love’s swing.
Among them I paint a princess-stolen, forsaken
Swore to take revenge;
Stood in a battle against the laws,
A fragile Eunuch became a death’s cause.
Another Princess- I paint red,
For she encountered five wedding beds.
Staked, shared, won and lost,
Honor disrobed- her anguish tossed.
I paint a mother- silent and blind,
Love for hundreds absorbed her mind.
 A stroke of white and pastel hues,
For a woman who feared the land’s abuse;
Restrained- Regretted- abandoned a son,
Did she fail or she won?
Painting this my fingers sore,
Still the canvas wishes for more
It sings to me- ‘You missed a slash,
A figure with flute-dark as ash’,
I paint him blue-gold and all colors bright
The only savior- the only light.
The player who conspired- won and lost,
On the dead canvas a divine crimson glossed.


The tale is one of sorrows and twist,
Of puppets locked on Fate’s wrist.
Many lives killed- many foul plays,
Men played war at blood-stained ways.


- A Guest Post By Apoorva Haritwal 






2

The Movie Theatre Theatrics!

Posted by Pawas Jain on 07:46
Watching a movie in an Indian theatre is no less than an enriching experience, a joy ride in itself. The whole of Indian society comes alive represented in different types of people around you.
The last night, I went for a movie which was one of the most awaited movies of this season. I never anticipated that it would turn out to be a *facepalm* outing for me!
There are certain kinds of people you happen to knock into cinema halls. With the close knit family systems in our country, you are bound to meet a long lost relative or an old friend, the one you wanted to meet the least! Also, the chances of bumping into a relative is directly proportional to your chances of being with your girlfriend. The old friend who you always ignored would suddenly scream a "Hi Bhai" at you from the other end of the row, making all the heads turn into your direction and giving you a straight face, with some people giggling at you.
If that is not embarrassing enough, you may meet your neighbourhood aunty, who would cynically ask you about the movie when your parents are around the next day.

Then, there are always couples who throng the theatres. Although the chances of a couple being found are more in a movie that is meant to flop at the box office. These are the same kind of people who take judicious advantage of the opportunity when a train passes through a tunnel. If your day is worse than your normal days, then you might even hear slurping sounds of kissing and sometimes even more perplexing moans that will make you look around as if you are thinking something really hard.

Another common type of people who happen to be around you in a movie theatre are the ones who have extremely loud ringtones and surprisingly those are the ones who get the largest number of calls. All the business deals of uncles and maid-management of aunties back home is done during those 3 hours of a movie. Sometimes, such people are accompanied by their kids, who undoubtedly decide to cry their lungs out or feel hungry or want to pee thrice during the movie itself. These kids often mistake the movie theatre with a playground and happen to run around, mostly falling flat on your feet and almost giving you a fracture.

Moreover, there are always those uncles who have already seen the movie and they narrate the whole movie in advance to the ones accompanying them just like the Kurukshetra war was being described to King Drithrashtra. You would truly wish that they keep saying "Spoiler Alert" every now and then so that you can at least close your ears on the cue!

There are those youngsters who come to create a ruckus and these are actually the reason why we are generalised as 'anti social'. They would pass derogatory remarks on scenes, pseudo-humorous comments and then laugh their heads off, high-fiving each other as if they were the reincarnations of Ravana. Some of these are too vile and don't hesitate in dancing to their heart's content on songs like 'Munni badnaam hui'.

Some people don't think twice before keeping their legs up on the seat in front of them as if their dad is the partner in the theatre! More often than not their shoes/socks smell so bad that you feel nauseatic. Some of them even burp loudly filling the air around with a stinking onion smell, giving you a deja vu of a Public toilet on a bus stand.

There are people who enter the theatre loaded with food stuff as if this would be the last time they are eating and we will encounter an apocalypse as soon as the movie ends. Your nostrils are filled with the smell of samosas and popcorns if such people happen to be around you.

If you can connect, either you are one of these or you had an encounter with them relatively recently. By the end of the movie, you come out relieved and thank the founders of Torrent, because aise logo ki Condition Serious Hai... 



6

An 'Awwwsome' Condition

Posted by Pawas Jain on 07:33

Aww - Response to a compliment; A sound made generally by Females when they come in contact with something they find very attractive.

Awwwwww - Pertaining to Aww, (You can add as many ‘W’ as you wish) the use of ‘W’ is directly proportional to the degree of attraction/pity/affection et al.

A frequently used word on social networks, ‘Aww’ has become a trend worldwide. If you don’t add the word to your comment or your response you are a cruel, callous, insensitive heartless fellow. The pronunciation of ‘aww’ is very similar to the noise that a pet dog creates when it is locked in a room for a long time/tempted by a bone or just trying to gain attention.

Some well-known uses of ‘Aww’ - 

  •          You post a picture of a new born baby. 8 out of 10 comments will begin with ‘Aww’.
  •          Post a picture with your pet or post picture of any pet or any animal alone. 10 out of 10 comments will begin with ‘Aww’. (P.S. - It is mandatory to go aww if you see any animal or else an animal rights campaign may get you arrested for being ungenerous to the poor creatures).
  •          When you do anything amusing for a girl (no matter if she likes it or not) she will always respond with an ‘Aww’ but DO NOT fall in the trap; She may not like you and may say it out of pity for you.
  •          A picture with family/boyfriend/best-friend cuddling, kissing or hugging is surely to make audience go ‘Aww’.
  •       The most dangerous of all 'Aww's is the one that Friendzones you. For example, when a guy tells a girl, "I like you more than a friend and I think we will hit it off". The girl may often reply, "Aww, but I have always considered you a friend". (The guy may later kill himself the same day)

I hear from my little birds that the International Dog Association is furiously working to get a patent of their ‘sound’.

“The current trend and over use of the sound is offensive. We invented it and they don’t even give us the credits!!”, says Tommy, the neighbourhood Dog.

Let’s not make them vulnerable. Help Tommy and his friends. Munch on a 5 star and replace “Aww” with an “Ummm” and visit https://www.facebook.com/cadbury5star



By: Apoorva Haritwal, a Guest Post for my blog [(awww :')] 

2

Why Can't we have a F.R.I.E.N.D.S on India Television?

Posted by Pawas Jain on 20:22
The other day I was watching an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S for the umpteenth time, and laughing out loud literally. Watching any random episode of the American TV series is the best time that I spend with myself. I realized that we do not have a single show worth watching on the Indian television for a youngster. It is truly saddening to see the state of Television industry of our country as we hardly have an intellectual, witty and high-end show running at the moment. With Navjot singh Sidhu and Archana Puran Singh laughing their heads off like devils on cheap comedy shows, and saas-bahus fighting over petty familial matters, TV in India definitely brings alive the literal sense of 'idiot box'.

There are a few reasons why we can never have a show as spontaneous and 'alive' as FRIENDS on Indian TV, and here I mean, exactly like FRIENDS, i.e. the same quality of humour, the same level of acting and perfection. One of the prime reason I can deduce is that Indian television viewer is not mature enough to understand that the world has moved into the 21st century and things like live-in relationships are not a big deal any more. Most of the Indian viewers would have opened their jaws as wide as the Indira Gandhi Canal in shock at seeing a baby out of wedlock, probably to the extent that a few 'Sainiks' would have attacked the sets of the show and some people would have filed a suit against the makers for hurting 'Indian sentiments'.

Besides, it is a well stated fact that India is a country sans sense of humour. Not even the people who run our country have a sense of humour (in fact they are the last ones to understand a joke). Our religious sentiments get hurt on little jokes, someone gets offended or someone raises objection. Besides the subtle sarcasms and satires that reappear in FRIENDS every now and then would have gone unnoticed and Chandler would have become a non existing character for Indians.

The largest viewership of Indian TV comes from household 'aunties' who watch the daily soaps all day. They would never have loved to see 'aaj kal ke bachhe' doing all that cheap kissing and stuff. It would have spoiled their Raju, Bittu, Bablu and would have inflicted torture on their young minds (as if Raju, Bittu and Bablu will remain saints for a very long time *evil grin*).

Also the professional and financial independence that is enjoyed by the protagonists (including girls) in the TV series is something beyond the family and cultural system of India. An Indian parental mindset can never imagine their kids as a chef or a masseuse for instance. A large portion of our country (especially TV viewers) is still in Tier-II cities, and the change is a very gradual process here. I do not complain about this part, but the faster we move towards a global society and broader mindsets, the better it will be.

But it is a vicious cycle. Basically television reflects the society and vice versa. Television shows what society sees. As long as the aunties are enjoying the saas plotting against the bahu in monstrous ways, hail the daily soaps! Meanwhile, instead of dreaming of an Indian version of FRIENDS, it would be better to just watch the same epic series again and again on our own PCs and have a good healthy laugh. They have definitely become a part of an Indian youngster's life as well. The success speaks for itself! :)






0

The 'Bhaiya' Banter: The Guest Post

Posted by Pawas Jain on 04:22
Youngsters of India face a lot of genuinely 'serious' problems and challenges in their everyday lives. From study pressure to the Facebook distress, life is truly a joy ride for them. In my new Guest Post on the widely read blog - Whitescape, our expert 'Bhaiya' tries to provide some straightforward (read: twisted) answers to some widespread problems of 'Youngistaan'.

An excerpt from the Guest Post goes here -

Champa, 20 years, New Delhi: There is a constant problem of paucity of funds and the cost of living, for a youngster like me is ever increasing in an urban city. I have to get my mobile recharged for talk-time, then there is the 3G data pack, then the message pack and that is just the mobile part. Moreover there is shopping to be done and hangouts to be managed. At an age like mine, what can I do?


Bhaiya: Hey Champa, doesn’t that sound like a perfect time to make a boyfriend?


Chikna, 22 years, Pune: Hey buddy, I have to buy a gift for my new girlfriend. I have to, like, totally impress her, but I cannot think of anything. Please suggest me something that will help me score with her; though I don’t want to spend much!


Bhaiya: You want to score with a girl and don’t want to spend. That must be the cheapest and most frugal line ever. Since times immemorial, occasions have been crafted and developed in a manner such that women can extract gifts from men with different excuses. When you buy a gift for a girl and it hurts your pocket, just try to look at it in a way that you are helping the economy by spending (and of course helping Archies/Hallmark to break-even). Nevertheless, for cheap gifts you can choose to gift her something really cheesy like a hand-drawn card or a self-made cheese sandwich. Such ideas always work, although you might not earn yourself a night with her, but definitely an ‘aww’ for now. All the best!


Meena, 17 years, Bhopal: It is truly horrifying to see the number of like on my Facebook pictures go down. The more depressing fact is that, my classmate Seema keeps getting more FB likes than me on every picture that she uploads. It is truly humiliating and very disappointing. Please help!


Bhaiya: It is the right time to upload a pouty selfie in front of the mirror with..................




FOR THE COMPLETE POST, VISIT - http://thewhitescape.wordpress.com/2014/02/20/the-bhaiya-banter/


RATE THE POST ON A SCALE OF 5 IF IT HAPPENS TO BRING A SMILE ON YOUR FACE and SHARE IT. :) Feedback is always appreciated! Cheers!





1

Going Loud in a Crowd!

Posted by Pawas Jain on 04:51
It is a challenge in itself to board a metro from Rajiv Chowk during the peak hours of evening. It is that time of the day when each one of us brings alive the Ravana inside us to get on the train, and doing all the possible pushing and pulling that it takes, almost molesting everybody around and paying a tribute to Mary Kom with our acts, we finally manage ourselves into the train.

One such day, when I was feeling like a victorious warrior on having entered into the train at the earliest, the guy who was sitting right next to me got a phone call. At a time when most of the people have earphones plugged in or are talking on phones, it was a normal phenomenon. But in a matter of few seconds, I realized that the guy was a loud talker or maybe he had a knack of talking loud and showing off! Suddenly his voice took a very serious tone while the sentence "Yeah, my iPhone 5s also had this thing" came almost about five times. I took a note of the fact that he actually did have an iPhone 5s and so his motto of showing off had accomplished as I couldn't help but feel irritated.


While his bragging about his phone took to new heights of gloating, I wondered why he didn't just fly back home on his phone. Suddenly, I realized that he was telling his girlfriend over the phone, about the new Rs. 20,000 shoes that he bought without any planning because he had 'liked' them in the first instance.  I mentally calculated that my net worth at that moment was not even 1/4th of the value of his shoes. He then moved on to discussing the trip to Paris last month where he had, had a drunken banter and done some "really wild" stuff. I couldn't help but manage a straight face somehow although now my interest had risen to a great height.


Most of his anecdotes started from "when I had got drunk" or "I spent Rs. ...". I assumed that he was either the CEO of Microsoft or had a superbly rich dad (where the chances of the latter definitely seemed to be much higher). His tales of 500 likes on his new Facebook photo to his next "supa kewl" wild party made him totally naked in front of me as far as his character was concerned. I am not one of those who judges anybody, and honestly I don't give a damn to how people manage their lives, but by the time my destination arrived (after what seemed to be the longest time ever), I got to know that he had an amazingly patient girlfriend and I had a badly aching forehead! Bless the braggarts! :\


(Aisi logo ki condition sach me serious hai - https://www.facebook.com/cadbury5star)







(Image courtesy - Google)

7

The Red Tulip...

Posted by Pawas Jain on 03:19
She stood in her balcony looking at the stars above and feeling the frigid breeze on her face and arms. A soft romantic track played on her laptop which was kept beside a cup of hot coffee on the wooden table, which had now turned cold due to the complete ignorance that it had faced. Her mobile beeped with another Facebook notification as another best friend of her's added a couple selfie with a 'Happy Valentine's Day' post. The Facebook timeline was strewed with such updates. She locked her phone with mild irritation and got lost in her own thoughts again.

Oh! How she missed him! He was 1000 kilometres away, probably screwed up amidst thick files and huge scary numbers as usual. They loved each other more than the word 'love' could even epitomize. Her work had taken a back seat today, as the day got engulfed in the romantic arms of the darkness. She wanted to spend some time with him, in his memories. He had promised he would call as soon as he would get free from work. She waited with anticipation, and composure, as she had always been a type of partner who loved seeing her beau working like crazy. His being a workaholic was the biggest turn on for her.

They had never believed in the over hyped stereotype of Valentine's Day, and never had they exclusively celebrated it with cheesy red roses and white chocolates. Yet, seeing all the social media updates and couples thronging the hang out joints on her way back from work, she did miss him really hard. She missed being in his arms, losing herself to his strength, his soft kisses on her forehead and his poetic moods.

She checked her messages once again but there was nothing. She started to feel a little ignored but again she reminded herself of the fact that he was working. In last four years of relationship, she had never felt like this on a Valentine's day. She did not know why this year was any different. But it was... it had been six months since she had seen him last. Distances surely created a gap, a gap which was almost impossible to fill. But there was an unsaid, unspoken yet undeterred confidence in each other that kept them going. He had his dreams to chase and she had her's.

She was a strong, feminist, high-headed, "Valentine opposing" girl to the world, but inside she was a little kid who was craving to be with him at the moment and feel his breath on her neck. She texted him out of anxiety, and wrote to him about her dream last night where she had been in this very balcony, looking above at the same stars, with the same cup of coffee, but... with her head resting on his lap. The dream that she had been thinking about all day and that she felt was ironic to appear on Valentine's. She described it in details in her text hoping for a romantic reply soon.

She came out of her own fantasy slumber with the harsh door bell sound. She was suddenly reminded that she had to change the battery of the doorbell! She rushed to the door expecting her room mate and waiting to share her loneliness with her.

She opened the door and went numb for what seemed to be like a decade. He stood there, formally dressed, with a handsome black coat and a red tie. He clutched to the gift he had got, like a treasure he had found. The gift, she had been wanting since ages... a red tulip. He came close to her, looked deep into her eyes as she still could not muster the strength to say a 'Hi'.
He held her hand, winked at her and whispered in her ear, "It's no longer a dream!"  







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